Seat race

After spending three days racing on both the ergs and the water we have finally stopped seat racing members of the boat for the race coming up in 9 days. Three seat lost his seat due to a lack of experience and technique problems. I see greater long term potential in this rower but my vote was out measured by the fact that we need the most set boat for everyone to be able to lay down power in the boat. By that logic he lost his seat today. Its hard for it not to feel personal when we are all so close knit and friends but at the end of the day the boat was faster with the new guy. Tomorrow starts small boat training and more seat racing. All this high rate work has me so tired I will just fall asleep randomly instead of lapses of consciousness as is normal when bored and tired. Life as a student athlete is so hard when your sport receives no recognition by the school even though our workouts are more demanding they any varsity sport on campus. Rowing is very misunderstood by southern communities unlike up north or in the UK where the title rower is regarded with respect vs. questions on whether or not its like kayaking. As a rather short rower of only 5'11 in a boat of 6'2 and up I row harder and pull more of my own weight than anyone else to hold my position as the fastest rower. Pulling a ratio of 1.79 watts to weight pound for pound i'm the strongest guy on the team short I may be, I don't let it dictate my strength or technique. Everyday I must push harder to stay up with the lazy giants who have yet to realize how strong they could be. I am a last minute worker because I work best when I have no other choice thus this is the best situation to make me work hardest. I wish I could spend all day speaking french and pouring our grammar only to row at the crack of dawn and again at sundown. Sadly tests hw and work and so much else seems to like to get in the way. The goal is to one day live the dream, if at least for one day to have a day of rowing in France. A beautiful language and a beautiful sport both far harder then they seem but when it works it is beautiful and simple.

Ritual

Everyone has one for just about everything in life. Whether it is the brushing of your teeth or staying up to one in the morning, we all have rituals. Nothing is more sacred then ritual in rowing. For races I have my lucky socks and hat as well as my slapping of the chest and thighs before the start of the race. As par usual I stuck to my rituals this 5k test on saturday. Step one nap before hand at least one hour in advance. Step two make sure i'm on the verge of hungry not quite hungry but just before. Step three watch motivational rowing videos. Step four calming music and slow breathing on way down to testing erg. Every rower has his pr erg. One at the boathouse and one at the gym should the need to change location arise. Step 5 the strapping of the feet with a double loop to prevent strap from loosening. Step 6 pr playlist activate. Step 7 stick to the race plan. Step 8 realize at 2500 meters that all hope is lost and you are in fact going to die. Step 9 slap the shit out the weak minded negative thoughts of that step 8 pussy and go ham into the second half of the piece.  Step 10 no negative thoughts get angry thoughts flowing and bite the bullet and sprint the last 800-500 meters of the piece. All said and done I should have pr'd and that's my ritual for 5k erg tests. Now if only I could apply such strong rituals to studying I could have a much more stress free day.

Naptime

While swimming laps today I was reminded of how similar it was to rowing in an odd way. If you are swimming freestyle right you never really look forward where you are going. You simply take ques from the lines on the bottom of the pool before doing a flip turn. While doing the breast stroke I was reminded of slide control because as you ready yourself for the next stroke you slow down in the water much like the recovery in rowing. Long story short everything is rowing and its obviously on my mind a lot today. If only I could focus this much on the piles of school work that never ends. Its funny how as I run on a daily low energy level my body/brain prioritize my energy for me. Such as, if the teacher starts repeating themselves or is talking about a subject I find uninteresting I will immediately fall asleep. Regardless of coffee or not I still can pass out and it feels like narcolepsy. I would try taking a nap after classes but I always have to much hw to do so.  Hopefully I can either find a time for naps or find a better method to stay awake.

Early to rise first to fall asleep in Class.

Oh man oh man have I missed rowing on the feather. Rowing all eight on the square for three weeks is just torture. Day two of the feather and my body is figuring out slowly that we are on starboard no longer. Muscles that have been built up for 5 plus years are now nul as I must strengthen the opposite side of my body for the struggles of Port side rowing. My right shoulder and forearm tendons are on fire as they must now twist the oar instead of pulling it. The act of taking what you know and applying it to the opposite side of your body is easier said then done. At the turnaround point the shore turned into the sun as a barge turned on its spotlight revealing its massive structure. Nothing is more heart stopping then a sudden tugboat horn from right behind you early in the morning. Anyone still half asleep was now wide awake in my boat as we raced out of the way of the speeding barge. Didn't help that he felt like keeping the spotlight straight in our eyes. Felt like some kind of alien abduction as we race away from a blinding light. All in all a good practice however the starboard rowers are lacking in focus and need a kick in the pants as they keep dragging us down to their side with bad finishes. Three weeks to the big first race and tensions are high as we go into the 3rd 5k test this weekend. There is nothing fun about a 5k test except the PR. Its a 3 mile sprint using your whole body while getting as much oxygen as a swimmer does with only about two spots in the technique where breathing is viable. Going "dark" is common and is both terrifying and a regular achievement in our sport. Its the point when your body shuts down senses due to the amount of oxygen demand created by the last half mile sprint in a race. Every rower experiences it slightly different, for me its a loss of the feeling in my legs followed by a cold sweat. One of my friends went colorblind in the last few hundred meters which is just odd as he described it was more like going gray then going black. Its been three weeks since our last and I'm hoping for big drops in our boat.

My phoenix week

I was feeling pretty bummed after my first few essay's and exams, I always struggle with the first ones of a semester if they would just be exempt from grading my GPA would probably be 100% better. My learning curve is pretty good when it comes to classes thus I have never chickened out of a class in college. This semester has me all flustered with a overall bad start to the semester financially and difficulty level even down to the basics such as language and rowing. When rowing is odd that's when you know shit is going down. As a starboard rower of about 5 and a half years to the one semester of port, rowing port this season is definitely a hard transition as well as being out of bow and into the middle of the boat behind the two biggest guys. Being 5'11 i'm short for rowing as the average rower is between 6'2 and 6'6. Thus, I must pull more than my own body weight in order to compete with the massive trees that call themselves people. Rowing is the core of my day and routine, a staple if you will. To have that flipped and to have a previous boat-mate/captain/role-model/friend as a coach is also very strange. Especially being a new captain myself the role adjustment is odd and difficult especially with such different personalities and approaches to rowing. I'm more relaxed and cold anger while he is all swearing and fire. With so many changes including place of residence my world is all flipped around and the adjustment period has not been easy, not to mention the breakout with a girlfriend at the start of the semester too. The odds have been stacked against me, but I don't like losing as time has showed. When I lose I rise back stronger and better than ever, which is why I cherish my ink friend close to my heart of a phoenix. When its strength fails and it crumbles to ash it raises back with strength anew ready to face the world adapted to the new hardships.  

Back to the beginning

When learning new languages its such a slow learning curve at least that's how it feels to me. Got my first real french essay back and the amount of marks was just so disheartening. All I could do was take a deep breath and dive into what I did to mess up so much. Turns out most of it was vocab misuses which can be taken care of with time and expansion of my vocabulary. I' m trying to write at the level I can think in English but that not helping when I cannot translate the idiomatic phrases into french because i' m simply unfamiliar with the translation. The grammar on the other hand which when the vocab problems were ignored were not as bad as they could have been. Thus, there is my hope. I wish she could have done the two in different colored pen then maybe I wouldn't feel so bad looking at all the marks on the page. Here is to taking it one day at a time no matter how badly I do on my first couple of assignments. I have never failed a class and don't plan to give up now.

Eat or be eaten

              My father once told me a phrase that sticks with me today. "All we are is protons neutrons and electrons." Such a profound statement and yet so simple. What he used it for was more for the explanations of why things aren't disgusting. You only think things are gross,but in reality we are all made of the same stuff. It allowed him to clean up messes without disgust but I like to use it to remind me that all people,dogs, fish, rocks are the same on some level. Watching the film titled the non-believers is such a thought liberating movie explaining that religion is dying as the world pushes for equal rights and science proves that something can come from nothing. My favorite line said by the scientist was why should religion force the idea of how the universe works when science tells us how it works and instead let religion marvel in how it does work. Another was the common usage of the idea that God works in mysterious ways, so whats the difference between a random God and no God at all? People are so afraid of death that when religion is threatened by the ideas of science they realize well if my book is wrong then what happens when I die. I remember the first days that I fought with this hard realization probably around the age of 13. If there is no heaven what happens when I die? However I hate being afraid and refuse to believe in the concept, caution is ok but irrational fear is intolerable to me. At that age I decided I would look forward to the day of death as an explanation. Why wonder when you will find out when it happens? Why guess the ending when the story is the good part, so live my life and look forward to the end as a moment of truth. Thus, I can live without religion without its need to make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. All you people who look at the last pages of books because you are lazy or sacred of a bad ending well god's got your back. 

           Why is it that in court we swear on a bible? Ever thought about it? If the country was just and interested in the truth wouldn't it make more sense to hook them up to a lie detector. Imagine what would happen? What if the defense and prosecution and just about everyone in there was. A truth field in a court. If you literally could not lie it would be so silent in that court because nobody would want to talk in fear of the truth coming out.  

           Why are non-believers so afraid to say they are?  Well its simple. As my mother said today "whats the difference between a terrorist and a rabid dog? well you can reason with the rabid dog."

So I ask this question why are people afraid of religious people? Well you can't reason with religious people. A final thought. If you are religious and only believe in the parts of your religion that you like or agree with and throw out the rest why not throw out the whole thing? Death isn't scary its the dying part that is. Religion or not you will die, will you continue nobody knows except the dead and they don't talk but simply make good fertilizer for flowers. Live or dead we are all protons neutrons and electrons so do you really die?

Hard work and hard workouts

Nothing is more challenging then the first few weeks for me. Its catch up time/go time time when it comes to training but also its an adjustment period to new classes. Nobody in high school life prepares you for the stress of life outside college. That don't mention how rich kids just relax and study all day and have big meal plans and nice houses, or most kids go to school on financial aid and hold jobs like myself to do work study in order to survive the high costs of college. They don't mention that even though you are getting an education investing in your future, college is a business and as such cares more about the tuition money then making sure you sign up for good classes with quality teachers. As such I have a french teacher who is self taught English. Did I mention she is Arabic so her french has a huge accent and her ability to explain things to use is little to none thanks to the self taught English part. Grace à mon prof I wrote my paper a week early because when I asked if we needed to turn in the paper next class she said yes thinking I wanted to turn it in early. Really a week early, me, the kid who just got out of 202 and is now taking two 300 level courses and feeling way over his depth, wants to do a three and a half page french paper early. Fat chance of that, regardless it is now done, glad I wasted precious study time for today 300 french exam to write it. Well looks like the 6x6 sprint pieces will just kick the last pieces of my energy to the curb leaving me drained for Friday. At least I have the weekend to catch up on the other two classes HW.

Rain or shine

I love rowing in light rain. Its very peaceful, but the idea that practice would get rained out had me bummed last night. This morning I woke up before my alarm just to jump out of bed and look out the window to see if it was raining. The process of waking up seemed shortened with the terror that I may have to lead workouts at the gym instead of working on technique on the water. Luckily it seulment  misted so practice was on!. Turned out to being a perfect practice weather, with cool air there was no overheating and with a headwind we had better boat feel while rowing all eight on the square. Nothing is as cool rowing all eight set on the square. The feel of power one gets hanging on the oar with rigid form and hard concentration gives a sense of perfection and confidence that most people never get to feel. Even though we aren't quite there and starboard side is still having trouble getting in time together I have high hopes for this boat. Makes me wish we had a year to build this boat and didn't have to worry about races for another two months. I would not look forward to the number of 5k tests that would come of that, however The wish to row all day is so strong.

Just keep digging this hole

I like to think of luck in life as a roller coaster sometimes your up and other times you are down. Currently feel like I just got pushed into the pit of despair or like the never ending fall in spykids. Only thing that keeps me grounded is rowing. Something that doesn't change in my life. No matter how much stress I accumulate in a day that erg will always take the punishment I dish out. Today I finished a hard two page paper in french only to find out in my other french class that I had a three and a half page paper due. This is the equivalent to most workplace comedies when the desk worker finishes his stack of papers and its all neat in the out pile and the boss drops a workload twice its size in the In pile. The want to give up was so high and my mood plummeted, however my faithful erg took 45 min of pain releasing me of all the stressful toxins in my blood allowing my to start writing my new paper with a fresh mind. Fingers crossed that practice is not rained out tomorrow because that morning row no matter how bad is still the best part of my day. Nothing compares to a morning sweating over an oar functioning simply as an engine in a great big machine. However a light at the end of the tunnel or a rope out of here would be much appreciated or even a random unexpected hug. Preferably by a cute girl wooo single life problems adding to the pile!

First day for the new crewbies

Not so bad for a first day back on the water after a week of hell also known as land training to break in the new recruits. My eight man boat still needs a lot of work with time differences of almost two minutes from top to bottom. Still only on the square and we have about 4 weeks until our first race so im nervous about our progress. For a varsity boat to be still on the square with three weeks already on the water we need to be practicing racing on the feather. All I can do is trust the coach who of course is a former rower so much trust level is low with him as a coach because I actually have more rowing experience them him. At least the team and boat is making progress I will give it that but sometimes I question the level at which he yells at the team. only race day will hold the real answers after that real discussions may be had about coaching techniques. It becomes a struggle to fight between rowing my true passion and school which has become a bore this year except for my french classes which feel overwhelming and work which is Tuesday through Friday three hours a day making life very difficult to  balance hw and workouts for rowing. I wish to be the best at school and rowing but financial problems raise their ugly head to make life difficult which not many people understand. Being asked to take more time out of my day for extra practice when projects pile up become impossible as the list of responsibilities piles up.

Barging into my sunday

NO day goes by without something draining all my precious study energy. As week two or three, I've lost count already, comes to a end not so does my work list. Today's task seemed simple drive at 8am to the boat farm and pick up two boats with 7 other guys and build the tandem 8 man rowing boat aptly named the barge or more informally "Fat Amy". 6 hours, a sunburn, and lots of fatigue and jury-rigging later we are finally done. Not my ideal Hw doing Sunday so far. Whats next? Ah yes the Hw that was put aside for today good thing i'm mentally exhausted now I probably will be less stressed when doing the Hw because I wont care as much. Good thing I have a paper in another language that I am so prepared to write. Hell week parties seem less appealing when one must write papers with drunk sleep levels of energy which are less then I get on an average day which is only about 6 hours. Excitement for this devoir is about as strong as the gravitational pull of an ant.

As a beginning ends so starts the story

The endless blurbs of a student athlete. Welcome!